Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The Call (for Michael Brown and other Casualties)


The Call (for Michael Brown & Other Casualties)

A mother grieves.  A father is left brokenhearted. A city is divided.  And a nation waits with baited breath to see how it all turns out.  All of this after an 18 year old man-child is gunned down on the streets of America by those whose car tags say “Protect and Serve.”  But who, in actuality, are they protecting?  For certainly it is not those of black and brown skin in this land, as time and again we are racially profiled, falsely accused and almost always assumed guilty until proven innocent….if we are ever given a chance to prove that innocence.  As the lifeless body of Michael Brown, lay shot and uncovered in the street for hours, the people were met with aggression and intolerance by law enforcement, as our rights to gather and for peaceful protest were ignored.  Our first amendment rights ignored, then violated.

The message was clear: You are not welcome here.  Your life has no meaning.  Know your place.  You are expendable.  No matter what we do to you, accept it and don’t raise your voice against it.  You are just another nigger and don’t you ever forget it.  And we heard it – loud and clear.  It’s message traveling through the airwaves like the sound of light.  To a nation it said: Wake UP!  To a people it said: Things have not changed, no matter how things appear on the outside.

We have become complacent.  Confused even.  From the time of our entry into this land through the hundreds of years leading to the Civil Rights Movement, as a people, we knew our place.  We were under no misconceptions that we were looked at as less than second class citizens.  That our road would be harder.  That no matter what we had, how much wealth we amassed, we were still seen as worthless.  We understood how to navigate this world we’d been thrust into, born into.  We understood the necessity of sticking together as a people.  We knew that we were not safe.  We knew to look within and to each other for help.  We knew to keep our hands laced in the hands of God for wisdom and for protection.

But somehow we’ve forgotten.  Perhaps it was the ability to live in their neighborhoods.  Or maybe it was the openness we could flaunt our interracial relationships,  marriages, children.  Who knows….maybe it was being able to assimilate their schools, work alongside them or join their exclusive groups.  Oh….perhaps it was being able to spend our hard earned dollars in their stores, helping them to amass a fortune.  Whatever it was, it’s like we’ve forgotten that underneath it all, no matter how calm things appear on the surface, we are not them.
 
Our recent successes have clouded our eyes, made us think that our degrees made us better than the mother on welfare.  Our good diction and ability to speak the king’s English set us higher than our more flat or “ebonics” speaking brothers and sisters.  Our fancy clothes, spit shined shoes and 401K’s made us think we were better than those who made their living on the streets of urban America.  Hidden behind stock options, corner offices, initials behind our names and McMansions, we have forgotten that there is an entire system in place that is not meant for us.  Was never meant for us.  Oh don’t get me wrong. I am not in any way saying that we should not work for and desire a better life.  That is certainly not my point.

It started me to thinking.  Why is there such hostility between blacks and whites?  Specifically, why are black people targeted and consistently mistreated by white Americans in this country?  Why the double standard?  And it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Because we were brought here as slaves and they never expected to have to deal with us as equals.  As we know their system, their plan lasted for generations, hundreds of years.  Since the Civil War and our supposed “freedom” that it granted us, they’ve been trying to re-enslave us one step, one person, one system at a time.  It makes me wonder are we oblivious to what is going on right around us?

The overall plight of my people in this country breaks my heart.  Again, I find myself asking, don’t we see?  The same drugs we are catching convictions for are the same drugs they infiltrated into our communities.  Shall I remind us that we had no boats, planes or other means of being able to get that stuff here?  But they played on our poverty and lack knowing that at some point the survival of the fittest would kick in and folks would be willing to sell father, mother, sister, brother, neighbor, and child to make a fast buck and give themselves a chance to rise up.  Even if it meant destroying our families, our communities, and killing each other to stop their individual suffering.

Through it, they have managed to put us back in a form of slavery – this time instead of selling off our sons, brothers and fathers, now they kill them, we kill them, or they are incarcerated, leaving yet another generation to have to fend for itself.  Through it, they have managed to take even the mother figure and have her working so hard at so many hours there is no one to raise her children or she gets hooked on the very substances that infuse the fiber of urban living. Another generation is lost – this time to incarceration, our children being put in a completely inept foster care system, more poverty as young women have babies out of wedlock with no fathers to help raise them.  Despite our successes, none of us is immune to its effects. 

For a while we were complacent.  Comfortable even.  Now the unarmed teen running to the store murdered for being in the wrong place at the wrong time and the famed historian arrested by cops at his home share the same story as the female professor groped on the campus streets where she worked like a common whore and the unarmed man choked to death while handcuffed on the city streets.  And the common denominator is their race.  No one is off limits.  We can no longer convince ourselves that it’s “their problem.”  As a people, it’s our problem.

It’s time to put aside the petty differences of territory; of she looked at me wrong; of he stepped on my shoe and disrespected me and realize that we need each other.  There is no demilitarized zone.  This whole attitude of us four and no more, and “I ain’t looking out for the next man” is the very division that is used against us to defeat our own people.  Any of these scenarios could so easily be me, you or someone that we know.  It’s time to get back to the basics of community.  Of unity.  Of togetherness. It’s time to bring about a change that says life is so much more than the labels on our backs.  Am I my brother’s (or sister’s) keeper?   You bet I am, and so are you.  It’s time to look each other in the eyes and acknowledge our shared struggle.  It’s time to get back to loving each other.  We can accomplish so much more unified than we can as independent agents.

The call has sounded…will you hear the call and come to action? For all the ones we’ve lost in the struggle, let’s not let their lives, their stories, their deaths be in vain.

To the parents of Michael Brown and all the others whose stories never make the news, we feel your pain.  Our hearts grieve the loss of life, just as yours does.  You are not alone.

Changing lives one word at a time….Tumika Patrice Cain
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Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality, and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing & Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika, her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com



Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Feeling Blessed

Photo credits: Pexels

Feeling Blessed

I wrote this back in April, but through the busyness of living, I forgot to post it.  I'm sure there are many of you who can relate to the words in this post.  Know that your efforts are not in vain and that eventually you will receive back all of the positive seeds that you've sown.  Be blessed and make today a great day...ON PURPOSE!  Tumika


I am having a transparent moment right now.  This is for those people who have been selflessly giving of themselves to others for years with no real payback for those efforts.  I just want to let you know that your day IS coming.  Don’t stop doing what you’re doing.  At the appointed time, your efforts will connect with your need and all of a sudden help will come out of the woodworks for you.

This is the week of my big book signing and poetry reading.  After a number of difficulties and obstacles with my first book, I decided to take a different route with my next book.  Deciding to take my efforts to a place I love and that has always shown me love, I reached out to some friends in Cleveland.  They were not just willing to be a part of the event, they were happily willing to put in effort to help me plan it remotely, because of financial challenges I was going through at the time.

These friends who I have known for more than 15 years called in their friends, made connections, referred me to others, gave countless feedback to my many queries, and put the kind of effort into making this event wonderful, just as they would have if it had been their own.

I was out running errands and picking up items for the event.  I made a random call to the venue owner to check on something.  She answers the phone and says “Hi, Tumika.  Guess who’s right here in front of me.”  It was Vince, the host.  He was there checking out the space, doing mic checks and whatever else to make sure that all would be well for the show on Saturday.  If I hadn’t called her, I never would have known, because he would not have told me.  I immediately felt overwhelmed.  I finished my shopping, walked back to the car and then sat there for a moment. 

And I have to tell you, tears of gratitude were cascading down my cheeks.  The moment she told me he was there, I had a quick flashback of every man who had been in my life in some sort of significant role.  There was the one who faked a cold so he wouldn’t have to help me move.  The one who charged me to move.  The ones who stood me up.  Lied  to me.  Cheated on me.  Shall I go on?   In that moment, it all became so very clear.  Now mind you, this is not a man I am intimate with, nor have we ever been.  We aren’t “kicking it.”  He’s not my boo thang or any such thing.  He is my friend, and in such a simple gesture, showed more care and love for me than any of the others ever had.  Then all of a sudden, it became abundantly clear to me why none of the others made the cut.  If they weren’t ready to make selfless gestures to help the woman in their life, why were they even there?

Ladies, if the man taking up space in your life is not improving the quality of it; if he is not making sacrifices of time, talent, or treasure to help you make your dreams come true; if he has nothing more to bring to the table than a list of selfish desires and requests from you – why is he really even there?  You can do bad by yourself.  And real talk, even mind blowing sex is not enough to keep a man around if that is the only thing of value you are getting from him.  I know it gets lonely.  It gets hard, too.  For we were not built to have to be both man and woman, and our lives are far more difficult without a man there to take his proper place.  However, it is too high of a price to pay allowing someone to take up emotional and/or physical space in your life who won’t do his part.  Move that dead weight out of the way so that the real deal came come in.  You deserve a man who knows his role, who understands his purpose and who is not afraid to fulfill it.



Changing lives one word at a time…Tumika Patrice Cain

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Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality, and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing & Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika, her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com


Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The Price of Love

Photo credits: Pexels

The Price of Love

Ladies, we’ve been devalued and undervalued so long that we’ve learned to devalue and undervalue ourselves.  The mistreatment we’ve suffered at the hands of others, sometimes makes us feel as if we have to put up with anything to have a mate in our lives.  This couldn’t be farther from the truth.  Take a look at the list below.  If any of the following are happening in the relationship you are currently in, it might be time to reassess.

1.      If he is asking you to get high and do drugs with him knowing you are not into that, he is NOT the one.
2.      If he is asking you to allow him to take his frustrations out on you by physically, sexually, emotionally and verbally abusing you, he is NOT the one.
3.      If he is asking you to sacrifice and compromise your morals and values to engage in risky, demeaning sex or pimping you out to his friends, family or business associates, he is definitely NOT the one.
4.      If he is laying up in your home, driving your car, eating your food, expecting you to take care of him while he is not contributing anything to your welfare, he is NOT the one.
5.      If he is asking you to neglect or mistreat your children to be with him or he is mistreating and abusing your children, he is obviously NOT the one.
6.      If he is asking you to engage in illegal activities (robbing banks/people/stores, selling drugs, prostitution, running illegal scams, etc), he is NOT the one!

If dealing with him is hurting you, it certainly should NOT be pleasuring him! So often we let our hearts lead us into situations our minds would protect us from.  Bottom line is: feelings lie.  We let the fear of being alone drive us to making decisions that are nowhere near what we have been designed to put up with.  But remember this: God has not given you the spirit of fear, but instead power, love and a sound mind.  You don’t need to make decisions based on fear when the soundness of your mind is telling you that what you are in is not good or best for you.  The soundness of your mind will give you wisdom how to get out of these dangerous and self-defeating relationships.  Love is an action word.  The love you have for yourself should lead you to attract those who show their love to you in healthy and life-affirming ways.  If someone is deliberately hurting you, obviously that is not love.  You have also been equipped with all the power you need to get your life back on track, if you have veered off.  Don’t let the fear of what might be cause you to stay in a situation that is literally killing you, your self-worth and self-esteem.  Instead of choosing to live in fear, choose to trust that God knows every need you have.  If you trust his timing, he will lead you to the very one who will be an asset to your life.

Truth: Men (not just males) build up their women – a man will not tear his woman down.  And real talk, there are many males out there who want the title of MAN but have done nothing to earn it.  Even when we look at other cultures, there are actions that the males in their groups have to do to earn the title and respect to be called a man.  Contrary to popular belief, sexing up a bunch of women does not qualify as a rights-of-passage into manhood.  It takes far more than having a penis to be counted as a man.

In case you are wondering, a man does the following:
1.      He protects his family
2.      He provides for his family
3.      He sets appropriate boundaries for his family
4.      He leads his family by example
5.      He yields himself to God and follows the direction of Christ’s lordship
6.      He has one woman (his wife)
7.      He provides an environment for his wife to be her best self and encourages her
8.      He builds up with his mouth
9.      He sacrifices for his wife and kids
10.  He considers the needs of his family (wife and kids) over his own selfish desires
11.  He loves with his actions, realizing that love is a choice
12.  He leaves a legacy for future generations

So while you are waiting on a man to find you and make you his wife, keep working on yourself.  Figure out what you really want and then ask God for it.  Make sure that who you are lines up with what you are asking for from someone else.  In other words, be what you hope to attract.  Be prepared and know that a counterfeit will cross your path while you are waiting on your blessing to manifest.  Recognize that person for who he is and keep it moving.  WAIT for what you have asked for.  It may not come in the time frame you want it to, but it will be so worth the wait to get what you deserve.  Know this, he is being prepared, just as you are.  The time of waiting is there to perfect the two of you into a more fitting union.  The real blessing is worth the wait…

Changing lives one word at a time….Tumika Patrice Cain
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Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality, and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing & Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika, her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com