The Princess Within

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The Princess Within

Inside every woman is an inner princess.  That place which beckons to be pampered, adored, adorned, and treated with the kidskin gloves of royalty.  It is not in the fantasies of little girls because Disney created Cinderella and a host of princesses thereafter.  Instead it stems from a reality that we are from the stock of true royalty.  Divinity, even.  We are the result of having been created from the ultimate King.  The Most High, the most royal, the most divine is our Father.  And just like in the fairytales, we earthly princesses have come across evil witches, possessed octopuses, and bitten into poisonous apples given by beguiling serpents who have planned our demise.  All in an attempt to strip us from our rightful place in the kingdom.  All in an attempt to convince us that we are not who we were born to be; created to be.  All in an attempt to persuade us that the only life that lies ahead for us is that of a pauper. 

And for many years, many of us choose to believe these lies.  We  begin to attract men who tear us down with their harsh words, hard hands and complete ignoring of our needs.  In our attempts to get our needs met, we chase them.  Chase them hard.  We think, I don't want him to forget me.  Maybe if I call him more, buy him what he wants, make myself available to his beck and call, then he will be willing to stand up and be the prince I know I need.  It is with each attempt that we lose more and more of our layers of divinity.  No longer do we walk with our heads held high.  The straight ramrod posture we used to have is replaced with slumped shoulders.  The princess has begun to carry burdens she doesn't have the strength, the stamina or the stature to hold.  She wasn't created to; we weren't created to.  What was once a sparkle in her eyes falls away to a dull glimmer and eventually the light extinguishes altogether.  In the midst of all of this, she has forgotten who she is; we have forgotten who we are.  She doesn't dress the same, walk, talk or move the same.  Meanwhile the evil one plotting her demise sits along the sidelines laughing, convinced she will lay down and die.  Convinced we will lie down and die.  But princesses are strong.  We are made that way.  For how can you care for the needs of others and make life better for those who haven't tapped into their inner power if we are weaklings.  No, the call of a princess is to offer a better chance for those who have not yet found their way.  Truly things look as if there is no answer in sight.  There appears to be no knight in shining armor or prince whose kiss is so potent it can withstand the walls of darkness, but I remind you again that we come from the root of all royalty.  And our champion is there to save, to heal, to rescue and to set us on the right course leading back to our rightful place.  That is, if we are willing to do the work.

This is the piece the fairytales fail to mention.  There is work involved in getting back to a place of wholeness.  But as the old adage goes, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears".  There are times it feels we will never reach the end from all the damage that has been done.  But truly we are able.  One step at a time, albeit however slow those steps might be.  Slow and steady.  That is the key.  And, of course, obedience to the One who knows the very path we need to take in order to get out of the enchanted forest and back onto the palace grounds.

Like Esther who went through a year of beauty treatments before being presented to the king, our lives should reflect that same level of care.  Our skin should glow from the delicious, healthy foods that have been placed on the earth for us to eat.  We  should be rubbed with the finest oils as the tension is massaged out of our bodies.  Our teeth should gleam because we take the time to take care of them.  There should be so much bounce in our hair that a slight breeze causes it to lift and fall right back into place.  And our eyes should sparkle like starlight because we get enough rest.  As daughters of the King, it is important for us to take time to reflect; to figure out if we are on course, and if not, design a plan to get us where we want to go.  Everything in the universe was designed to help us maximize our life's experience.  It is not for the kingdom princesses to be burdened down with relationships with those who cause stress, discord and unrest.  The life of a princess should be easy.  Easy on the eyes, easy on the mind, easy on the body, easy on the spirit.  And of the ladies in waiting, we have no time for jealousy, backbiting, or rude attempts to tear down.  Not everyone will be where we are and that is okay.  But it is not for us to sacrifice the life we are destined to have to those who have not stepped into their own kingdom position.  Living the life of a princess means  embracing who we were created to be.  It may be necessary to cut some people loose, but don't lose heart, dear one.  He who sees all, created all, will send others to fill that place.  Keeping our hearts open and full of light is our only job as it pertains to this part of life.

Love those who have hurt us - even if we have to love them enough to let them go and love them from a distance.  Whatever was done isn't worth the turmoil and lack of peace it takes to keep reliving the experience.  Hurting people hurt people...and they hurt themselves, too.  Since we know who we are and we know what we give, it is a hurt to their own selves when they mistreat us and have the access to our lives severed.  Their leaving is not a reflection on us, no matter what evil words they let spew from their own mouths.  It is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks.  So we love them and pray blessings of healing and love, direction and deliverance, health and prosperity into the lives - never forgetting the kiss that woke us up out of a terrible slumber and started us on the road to our own place in the kingdom.  We don't forget, but we don't have to be part of everyone's journey either.

So, today go and get pedicures, afterall we cannot have chipped toenails while wearing glass slippers.  And when we step out, it is with confidence and assurance in who we are and what we deserve.  We are daughters of the Most High, princesses in our own right.  If perhaps we have not been willing to truly accept our role, today we make the decision to step into our rightful  place.  If we have accepted that we are princesses, then we take some time to reflect to make sure all is as it should be.  Either way, there is an amazing life awaiting each one of us.  Today is the day we decide will not live beneath our privilege.  Others are waiting on us to take our rightful place to see by example that they can do it too.  This is our role as princesses:  to encourage, uplift and help others realize their own potential for greatness.



Changing lives one word at a time...Tumika Patrice Cain


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Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality, and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing & Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika, her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com 

Lessons from a Father

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Lessons from a Father

Today is Father’s day 2012 and for whatever reason I find myself being very reflective.  I have had both a biological and a stepfather, both of whom taught me invaluable life lessons.  So I decided to see what had I learned from the men in my life.  And afterwards, I opened up that question to others.

My journey has not been an easy one.  I have learned many lessons in lean and dry places.  There have been a number of atrocities and abuses that have visited me and it has taken great strides not to get stuck in such low places.  Many of my lessons have not been nice ones, but they are lessons, yet and still.  They are things I have learned and therefore are worthy of being shared.  I have no perfect pictures to paint of my life, but over time, the individual threads of my life will create a beautiful tapestry.

My biological father was a drug and alcohol addicted womanizer who spent years playing mind games with me and subjecting me and my mother to his abuses.  I was with him when he met the woman he is now married to.  How a man could think it is at all appropriate to cheat on his wife and take his six year old daughter with him, bribing her not to tell with sweets, is beyond me.  But such was the case.

The memories that fill that part of my life are not the best.  There were the beatings I saw my mother endure and the times I wondered if she was going to die.  It took me many years to grow eyebrows because the stress of my home life made them fall out.  There was the impossibly tall list of standards I was expected to reach.  But everything was always just out of reach, so I grew up feeling much like a failure.  It wasn’t until years later that I learned those are typical behaviors and expectations of a drug and alcohol addicted parent.  Although my mother wasn’t a drug or alcohol user or abuser, the grandfather who raised her had been, so I guess she just grew up and attracted what she knew.

His reckless behavior almost cost his life on more than one occasion. It was something different each time.  Diabetic comas from not taking his insulin while also drug and alcohol binging, motorcycle accidents, you name it.  He seemed to live as though he had a death wish.  Between my grandmother and my mother, I learned that women are to pick up the pieces of men’s lives who refuse to act responsibly.  I wonder what would have happened if they had let him lose his job or if he’d had to be homeless for a while.  I just wonder…

After bankrupting our home and leaving us penniless, destitute, no food and a house falling apart at the seams, he left us.  Period.

Then entered my stepfather.  I was eight years old when he came on the scene.  He is a complex individual who genuinely feels for people and who loves children, but who has a host of unresolved issues with his own abusive mother.  We lived in hell for years with this man.  I never knew from one day to the next if I would come home and find my mother’s blood splattered all over the house because he had killed her.  I was a quiet, introspective child with wisdom beyond my years.  I could just ‘see’ people.  I am sure mom regretted on many occasions not listening when I told her to leave that man alone.  It took years for us to get out of that situation.

Talk about contradictions, on one hand he’d be terrorizing the house and trying to turn my brother against mom and me, and then in the same breath he’d be there to fix whatever needed fixing.  He was a hustler.  Made sure he always had money and would keep the kids fed, but wouldn’t lift a finger to pay a bill or help my mother financially.  He believed a woman should take care of a man.  I resented him for years.

At some point the healing began and I could just see him beyond what he was doing to us.  And I understood.  I refused to continue being his punching bag, and made that VERY clear, but I just understood.  I fixed him dinner today.  He is still the one who I can call on for anything and he will be there.  Period.  Healing really can come.

The men in my life, not just those two fathers, left deep scars and had me really questioning the validity of my worth.  My grandfather, the molester, who took my innocence at age three and then spent years degrading and berating me; the liars; the cheats; the thieves; it was all there.  With nothing else to use as an example, I grew up and attracted men who treated me just like they did.  I couldn’t understand for the life of me why finding someone to love and be kind to me was so difficult.  The faces changed, but their actions did not.  They were all versions of each other.  Everyone around me said “you are not worthy.  You are nothing and your only purpose in life is to be here to meet MY needs; despite how it might affect you.”  Inside I cried.  Outside, I ate.  And I wrote, trying to make sense of my life.

Somewhere in the midst of all of this, I met Jesus, who had tons of work to undo in my life.  Trusting God was so hard for me.  He was just this giant daddy, who I was sure was just like these earthly men who had done so much damage.  I learned that He has this wonderful ability to see us right where we are and meet us right there.  Gently, but surely, He would bring me closer to himself and eventually a relationship was born.  I didn’t have to pretend to be someone I wasn’t with him.  I didn’t have to pretend to be okay when inside I was a broken mess.  He already knew.  For the first time in my life I was lavished with as much time as I needed.  He knew just how to love me in the way I best needed to receive love.

It is not easy going from low to high, but I have found that it IS possible.  And when life knocks you back down, there is help to get back up and keep trying.  So my list is a compilation of things I have learned from a number of men in my life – some good, some not so much.  I have found that old adage to be true, that when the student is ready, the teacher appears.  In time, all of those men with special quirks have been replaced with a number of other men who give me something to set my sights on.  Now, I know that I, too, have worth, value and my life has significant meaning.  I can have the best of what I’ve seen in others.  I will finish up this post with the lessons that I,  along with other sons and daughters, have learned from their own fathers.

So Happy Father’s Day – to all the award-winning amazing dads, the single moms having to be both mother and father, to all those in the village who stepped up to be father role models, and even to the dads who didn’t do much more than make an initial donation.  You have all played a significant part in our becoming who we are.  Thank you for your contribution – however great or small.

Here is the list that I and my contributors have learned from our fathers and father figures over the years:

To lead praise and worship

To pray in the congregation

To pray for my children

A strong sense of family

A whole lot of common sense phrases like “take care of business or business will take care of you”

Self worth

The unconditional love of God the Father

Character

He couldn’t spank me if he saw me cry

I didn’t need to do anything for him to love me, he just loved me.  Period.

The same rule should apply to my partner in life

My value wasn’t to be based on someone else’s opinion or standard

Having a crazy dad is a filter.  Guys respect a young lady with a covering (a loving, crazy male figure)

Observing him made me realize what I did and DID NOT want in a man

To pray for what was most important

How to iron

How to make good oatmeal

How to clean the house

How to grill

How to sweep

How to ride a bike

How to play sports and how to throw

How to tie a tie

How to like vegetables

Never judge someone by how they look

Sow seeds that will prosper

Love God more than any man

Your word is to be kept and represents you

Do not live above your means, save some money

Trust your instincts, spirit

If you pray the Father will hear you

Keep living and you will understand things

How to be a hard worker

Have a loving, caring heart

Clean the kitchen as I cook

Think of the glass half full

Speak with compassion

Keep in touch

Family time

Your confession will set the course of your life

Have faith in God no matter what

Protect your children

Be on time or don’t go

Treat others with grace and kindness

Speak the WORD no matter what it costs you

Be generous

That computers ‘talked’ to one another and if you did anything wrong, it was bound to be discovered, so don’t expect him to bail me out

Education is paramount

That he has my back and is my biggest cheerleader no matter what

Patience

How a car worked so a man or shady mechanic couldn’t take advantage of me

How to take care of my family

Work hard every day, always go to work on time and do the best job while I’m there

Some people don’t mean you any good their entire life long

That some men don’t realize that fatherhood is a gift that can be wasted on the unwilling

Good posture, good diction and being intelligent is not an option – it’s the only way

Always look your best

A priority is specific only to the individual

A girl will attract the kind of man to herself that her father was to her, good or bad.  In the case of the bad, she will continue to attract him until she heals and learns whatever lessons are there for her to learn

You can’t depend on people, so either do it yourself or go without

A man who has not dealt with his mother issues will punish every woman he comes into contact with until he does

People can change if they really want to

Every person has something redeeming about themselves despite how challenging their ‘issue’ is

Sometimes love hurts and men hit

No one should have to make a man take care of his own seed

Another man can step up and make a difference in the life of a child.  When one won’t, another one will

A fool can’t argue by himself, so just be quiet

That I can be loved and accepted unconditionally

Sometimes things mean more than people

I can be the world to someone

If a man doesn’t marry you in a year, he isn’t serious

No matter how lean the times, low the place or difficult the circumstance, God is always there

God loves me in the best way I need to be loved

God is much more willing to accept and forgive me than  I am to myself

Friendship is just as important as family

How to laugh

He was selfish – he committed suicide when I was 3 years old and didn’t think how that would affect me

A mom and dad not being together is not always a bad thing!  Sometimes it’s even for the best

How to put my foot in my mouth

Men cheat, lie and destroy women

Don’t want anybody that doesn’t want you!

The gospel

Love of life

Stand tall

Be proud of who you are

The love of family

Pay your debt

The belt never hurt your ass for long

Bowling

Fishing

Hard work for what you want

Foundation for the love of jazz

Always put your spouse first

Always save money

Never let a man use you (don’t get pregnant)

I’m here because HE wanted me here (referencing Heavenly Father)

Love

Respect

Serve others

To be clean

To be organized

To be responsible

Photography

To get respect you have to give it

It’s good to have a sense of humor

How to cook

How to hustle

Listen to my grandparent’s wisdom

Always keep myself looking nice

Don’t fund or contribute to bad habits

Always be nice to people, 'cause you never know when you might see them again

If you have $20 you don’t have to spend it all.  You can keep the change!

Character

Integrity

Responsibility

Discipline

Moral ethics

Self respect

Love of a father

Changing lives one word at a time...Tumika Patrice Cain

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Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality, and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing & Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika, her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com

Living by Faith

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Living By Faith

I am in one of the largest transitions of my life right now.  After years of praying, confessing, and believing God for the manifestation of His promises, I find myself on the brink of entering my promised land.  After all of the struggles and turmoil and lessons learned and healing that had to take place, that seemingly unobtainable land of milk and honey is not only in eyesight, but also in reach out and touch it distance.  I am both humbled and excited.  Humbled that God would watch over me so carefully to make sure I got here.  Humbled that when things were at their worst, He would not allow me to give up.  Humbled that He cares more about me reaching my destiny than even I do.  For here I am.  I did not get here alone. 

Living by faith and walking by faith is not for the faint at heart.  I see so many people who really feel as if they are doing just that.  It is in their blind spots just how much they depend on a job to pay the bills or look to others who have more resources than they when help is needed or even think that mere life choices are the reason they have advanced as far in their lives as they have.  In truth, those things help, but even still, without God’s provision, even they would not exist….despite our best efforts. 

Living by faith is like walking around blind and depending on someone to tell you each step to take just before you are to take it.  There are times when your equilibrium is totally off and you find yourself just trying to get your balance.  Almost as if there is no sense of direction.  It is scary to be totally out of control and having to put the total control of your life in a being you can’t even see.  Yet, He in all the ways we cannot ‘see’ Him, is more real than everything we can see.  So we learn to be still and listen.  If there is silence we stand still, just as the children of Israel did when He led them on their journey – guiding by a pillar of clouds by day and a pillar of fire by night (Exodus 13:21).  When neither moved, so were the people to stand still and wait. 

While waiting on each direction can be slow, even maddening at times, it is a comfort to know that for all I cannot see, I am putting my trust in the one who sees all and who will protect me, if I just walk where He tells me to and avoid the things He tells me to.

And so, entering in, my job of waiting and stepping on demand has not come to an end, but has instead brought me to a higher place, a deeper place where I will need to follow Him even more closely.  The Lord told me years ago that I could not obtain His promises for my life doing things my own way.  I had to do it His way.  I had to trust Him.  I had to obey…..even when I had to fight my flesh to do it.  And let me say that there were many times I had to obey as tears poured down my face because it hurt or challenged me in ways I was not ready to deal with.  And yet, if He brought me to it, apparently I was more ready that I gave myself credit for.  Even if I had to ask Him for the help and strength to obey, He honored the effort.

Let me encourage each of you who finds yourself at a crossroads of sorts, more than you want to be blessed, He stands waiting to bless you.  More than you want your circumstances to change, He wants you to learn the lessons so that you can be elevated to the next place in Him.  More than you want to enter in, it is His greatest desire to see you fulfill all that you were created to do.  In this moment, I urge you to take a few moments to seek His face and see where you need to tweak some areas in your walk.  Repent for those times when you have done things your own way.  Commit to letting Him truly be Lord.  Then go and possess your land.  It’s there waiting on you.

Changing lives one word at a time....Tumika Patrice Cain


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Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality, and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing & Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika, her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com