Why I Do What I Do

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Why I Do What I Do

Someone posed the question "why do you do what you do?  Why do you write?"  It caused me to have to search deep for the real reason I blog and publish books.  Caused me to have to ask myself what is it that I ultimately hope to accomplish by sharing my thoughts.

I have been sexually, physically and emotionally abused by the men in my life who were supposed to protect and cover me.  It left me fractured, wounded and unable to attract the kinds of relationships I truly deserved.  I saw myself through the eyes of my abusers, but there was something in me that wanted so much more.  Problem was, I didn't know how to get myself where I wanted to be. 

After many trials, lots of therapy, soul searching, fasting, praying and researching, my life began to change.  When I got a revelation of who I was, it was then time to learn how to treat myself and demand that others treat me how I deserved to be treated.  The minister in me yearns to see others set free and not stuck in cycles of abuse - self inflicted or otherwise.  So many things I observed watching the women in my family and in my neighborhoods who took so much off of the men in their lives.  It affected me.  Many worked hard.  Others worked the system.  Some had degrees.  Still others were high school dropouts.  All were struggling to make sense of their lives.  All longed to have someone love and cherish them.  All wondered why love, tenderness and genuine affection eluded them.

I have been my sisters.  I have worked jobs I hated just to make ends meet.  I have settled for far less than I deserve in relationships - whether that be familial, platonic or intimate.  Even at work, I have made the grade, but never the money I should have been making.  My family has not supported me, yet always had their hands out wanting something.  I have been the single parent struggling to keep it all in balance.  I have cared for an ailing child with the bare minimal of support.  I have had issues finding quality, affordable childcare.  I have wondered how I was going to make ends meet.  I have put my childs needs and even her wants over my needs.  My own needs have gone unmet and pretty much ignored by those who didn't care and by those who did care, but who were so empty on their own, they had nothing to give.  So I had to figure it out on my own.

Even as a young child it was just me.  I was alone a lot.  Single mother working and in school trying to make a better life for us.  Absentee father.  Not much family support to help my mother with me or for me to turn to when I had a need.  Before I knew HIM, He kept me, sustained me and didn't let the journey destroy me even though I have been damaged to the point of being on spiritual and emotional life support.  But I made it!

So my message for other women is "you are worthy, you have value and you can make it, too."  I am living proof that when you change everyone around you has to change too.  They just can't deal with you the same because you are different.  And there are times when the strength is needed to grow on without them if they make the choice not to grow with you.

When things were at their bleakest, I have wanted to give up, give in or even walk out of my life.  I have had series of starts and stops that left me so frustrated that I thought why do I even bother trying.  I have had dreams ripped right out of my hands by mean spirited people who I knew got pleasure out of seeing me stumble.  At times, I thought my deepest desires would never come true.  Somewhere along the journey I forgot how to dream. 

It was my dreams for a better tomorrow that kept me going in my youth.  After the dreams faded, then died, what did I have that made this journey worth living?  I would look into my daughter's face and want so much more for her than what she saw happening in my life.  Through it all I would tell her she was so much more.  She has seen me with tears in my eyes because I was doing everything I had to but nothing I wanted to in order to keep things going and she would say "just don't cry momma."  I would become even more determined to rise above where I was, for why should her memories of me be of mournful tears in my eyes? 

So when I offer a word, it is deliberate.  It is meant to shoot a ray of light to some woman who may be at her end.  It is to give what I so desperately needed, but so rarely received.  It is to tell her "You can make it. Despite where you have been, YOU CAN MAKE IT! And not only can you make it, but you can thrive and have life more abundantly if you just do a little work."  (For we all work at something.  What we work on might as well be life affirming).  It is to tell her that she is not alone, nor is she being judged.  For truly I do understand her pain, her struggle and she is not alone.  It is to put her hand into that of her Maker and encourage her to tap into the true and only real source of her strength.

Changing lives one word at at time...Tumika Patrice Cain
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Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality, and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing & Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika, her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com