The Life You Deserve

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The Life You Deserve

People have the right to be just where they are.  So before I even get started, this is my disclaimer.  Know that I am not judging anyone for their life’s choices or for the state of their internal selves.

It seems more and more I have been running into males whose sole agenda is to bed any woman they come into contact with.  Now when I say that I am running into them, that doesn’t necessarily mean they are coming on to me that way.  Instead, it’s like I am being allowed to be a fly on the wall of their interactions with other women.  I do not like what I see.

What concerns me most is not the males’ perspective or even his willingness to disrespectfully push up on a woman that way.  Not even when he goes so far as to be angry or offended when she declines his ‘offer’ of a good time.  What does concern me are the women  who are all too eager to go wherever he wants to lead her; sometimes with no questions asked, other times without ever making her needs known and having the conversation with him to see if he is willing to meet those needs.

And so, on this post, I am going to focus on the women.  The truth is, men would not step to a female that way if she didn’t allow it.  They can never do anything more to us than what we allow.  Truth is, women have far more value and worth than we sometimes give ourselves credit for.  And please know when I say this, I am not just talking about so called ‘hood rats’.  I see even educated women settling for far less than they deserve or are entitled to in the relationship department.  It is entirely possible for a person to be whole and complete in certain areas of their lives and incomplete and lacking in others, simultaneously.  We are a wonderful mix of contradictions.

The reason I chose not to make this post about the men is simple.  When we change, everyone around us has to change, too.  They are just not able to deal with us the way they have been, because who we are is different on the inside.  The more I live, the more I learn that relationships are just a reflection of whatever is going on inside of us.  Such a humbling thought.  I have had some very bad relationships that have left me marred, scarred and at times unwilling to open myself back up to more.  And I have no one to blame but myself.  Each one of those people served as a teacher to let me know where I needed to heal in order to attract better to myself.  When I say this, it has been that way with both platonic and intimate relationships.  In the end, I am the common denominator in each of those relationships.

Living with the fear that there are no good men out there or that we have to settle just to have someone to keep company with or that there is not enough of what we are looking for that exists on the earth, can lead us into settling for far less than we deserve.  The truth is, everything we need, want and desire is on the earth ready for us claim it.  It may require that we have to do some internal work to get rid of the garbage that floats around in our subconscious minds  in order to get to what we want and deserve, but in the end the process is worth it if it means we get to live this life by our own design.  It will have been worth it if we get to have the life we’ve always envisioned.

I’m going to take a wild guess on this one (and yes, I am being sarcastic!), but I would say that you never thought you would want to be with a man who would cheat on you, play games with you, not provide for you, demand sex from you while giving you nothing in return.  I hope this is not too crass, if all he has to offer is an orgasm, his presence is really not that important or needed.  There are plenty of ways a woman can get that, if she so desires, without having to settle for being mistreated, neglected, put at risk from his sexual exploits, you name it.   I would bet any amount of money that you never thought you’d end up with a man who doesn’t support his children, who hits on you, calls you names, won’t work or even if he does work, does nothing to improve the quality of your life;  strings you along; uses you for what you have to offer to him while hardly giving anything back; emotionally distant.  Shall I go on?  Yet, the fact that I am writing this, means that somewhere along the way something has gone amiss, because some or all of these things have presented themselves into your relationships.  So, I say to you..are you ready to change?

If you are like me, there are times I have felt that it always seems that more is required and expected of women.  Why is it that we have to do the work to change?  Why not them?  But when we are dealing with issues as serious as the state of our lives, is that really a responsibility you want to put into the hands of someone else?  I didn’t think so.  So we have to do the work.    It starts by taking a look at your relationships…you can even go back to childhood to get a good look at the patterns that have been in place contributing to where you are now.  What has gone wrong in those relationships?  How have they ended?  How did you feel when you were in them?  Were there certain types of experiences that contributed to the worst of how you felt?  Now, here is the part that some might find challenging.  Write down what it is that you DO want.  Most people can tell you what they don’t want.  Problem with that is the more you focus on what you don’t want, the more of it you will get.  So if you can begin to focus on what you do want, you will begin to attract more of those experiences into your life. 

But the work does not stop here.  Instead it is just beginning.  Next, it will be necessary to work on changing the mental blueprint that produces all of these results in your life.  Let me put it to you this way, if you create a document that has an error in it and print it, the error is on the page.  You can white it out, fix it temporarily and distribute it.  However, what you typed is still in the memory of that computer so every time that article is called upon, that error is there and will continue to be there unless it is fixed internally.  Our thought processes are no different.  Whatever has been written on that initial document in our minds continues to roam around our subconscious mind, attracting more of the same.  It is time to fix that error, once and for all. 

This is when it becomes necessary to start writing affirmations for the type of life (relationships, etc) that you truly desire.  You will need to do mirror work, meaning looking in the mirror and speaking those words over your life.  It’s time to pull out some books on the Law of Attraction and really put those teachings into practice.  Subliminal audios and videos in the areas where you struggle, will help to erase what is in your subconscious mind and replace the error in the document with the truth.  As you continue on this journey of self discovery, you will meet others who are on the same path with you to help you and encourage you.  Everything you need is already on your life’s path waiting on you to get there.

I would be remiss if I didn’t warn you that once you start the journey of self discovery and coming into wholeness, more of what you are trying to get away from will surface.  The universe is waiting to see how you respond to it.  If you declare that you want a certain type of treatment, mate, etc, and then accept whatever presents itself to you even though it is lacking, you have just confirmed that you aren’t ready and you will accept anything, so anything will continue to come to you.  This may seem harsh, but you’ve got to know it going in that you will be tested along the way.  Don’t look at the tests with disdain.  Instead see them as mirrors to show you where you really are so you can tighten some things up.  Remember, you didn’t become who you are in one day, so the process of change will take time.  Give yourself some room to breathe.  Be patient with yourself and your process.  Above all things, know that you are worth everything it takes to change your life into the one of your dreams.

Changing lives one word at a time...Tumika Patrice Cain

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Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality, and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing & Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika, her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com