The Price We Pay

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The Price We Pay 

At times I have been considered a feminist. I’m here to set the record straight. I am not now, nor have I ever been, a feminist.  To me, a feminist is a woman who wants to be a man.  She says, “Don’t hold the door open for me, I have arms. Don’t pay the check for me, I have money. Don’t clean the snow off the car or gas up my tank. I can do those things on my own.” It seems she shuns traditional roles in order to operate in the realm that most often men occupy.  Nope. I am not a feminist.

What I am is a woman who seeks proper and appropriate treatment from males towards females. I want to see a man function in those traditional roles of opening doors, putting on coats, and pulling out chairs. I love it when I can’t get the jar of whatever I’m trying to open and a man pops that lid like it’s nothing. I like for a man to be “the head” as he was created to be.

What I don’t like is to see how men cheapen, abuse, misuse and disrespect women. It burns something in the deepest core of me to see a male talking to a female any kind of way or slapping her around. Too often, I see females being threatened to ‘keep herself in shape’ or another female will replace her. And I cringe every time I see a young woman trade her self-respect, self-esteem, dignity, morals or freedom just to have a male in her life. 

True manhood does not exploit. It does not lord its power over those who are weaker. It does not abuse just because it can. And it does not create a subtle sense of paranoia to keep a female in line. I realize for generations, maybe even as far back as the beginning of time, there has been a double standard that says men can do what they want to do, but a woman better toe the line. It’s okay for a man to cheat, but a woman better not even think about it. It’s okay for him to have sex with as many women as he wants to, but she’d better be a virgin until marriage. It’s okay for him to hang out in the streets, but she’d better be home tending to the house and kids.  I say, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.  What is expected of women, should also be expected for men.

I see men making their very flamboyant sexual expectations to women they are at best in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship with. With the expectation that whoever he decides to allow into his life better be willing to do whatever it takes to keep him until he’s ready to move on. Really?! And the sad this is….we do it. If he were married and making those requests from his wife, that would be one thing, but to think that any random woman he decides to ‘befriend’ in an intimate way better do it or else, is just plain ridiculous. 

The trend seems to be expecting their woman/girl to have the body of a stripper, the moves of a porn star and the overall package that will garner respect and accolades from his male counterparts. Never mind what she wants. Never mind how she feels. To him, it’s all about him. The shirts get more revealing, the pants tighter, the skirts shorter, the dresses more painted on, the heels higher. She looks like a walking, talking call girl and he loves it. What happened to a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets? Men used to want a woman who behaved like a lady.

What is this thing with expecting a woman to have his name tattooed somewhere on her body? He brands her like cattle, letting anyone coming after him know that at one time she was his and can be his again if he decides he wants her. Again, she does it. She pretty much does whatever he says in order to have him. A guy with little moral compass will exploit it every single time and think nothing of it. To which I say, if he would not want a guy to treat his daughter, sister, mother, favorite cousin or best female friend the way he is treating someone else’s daughter, sister, etc., then his behavior is not okay. He needs to stop what he is doing.

The behaviors are affecting future generations. They are affecting people even younger. Now, middle school girls are expected to have sex and give head in school restrooms. You tell me, what is wrong with this picture? Not just from the standpoint of the young girl being expected to be pimped out to whomever wants her, but also to the young men who are growing up seeing their fathers, uncles, older brothers, and neighbors treat females as disdainfully as this. Thus, the cycle continues.

Daily we are immersed in a culture that feeds this disrespect and that glorifies these actions. It’s in the music, the music videos, on sitcoms, in the movies, at the mall, at the school. You name it, there it is.

It takes more than having a penis to be a man. Just as it takes more than having breasts to be a woman. It is time for both parties to step up, clean it up and make some changes. It is time for these females to stop sacrificing who they are and what they truly want just to have a guy in their lives. It is time for females to stop turning on each other and fighting over a man who may or may not be with them a week later. It is time for females to stop trading in their morals and self-respect for a fleeting title and ride in a fancy car she does not own. It is time for women to stop holding men down in their shady dealings and catching the wrap for him so he does not get in trouble. It’s time for women to stop allowing men to abuse them and speak to them any kind of way. It’s time for them to put some boundaries in place and stay firm when a guy tries to overstep that boundary.  And it is time for men to stop asking them to.

Changing lives one word at a time….Tumika Patrice Cain

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Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality, and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing & Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika, her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com