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Recounting the Journey
Today is my 40th birthday. Normally, I’m not big
on birthdays. But this year was special
and I’ve been looking forward to it. For the last couple of years, I’ve noticed
a decided shift in my thinking and also in my life practices…and it was done on
purpose. People have come and people have gone. Career shifts are in the
making. What I tolerate is not the same as it was in my youth. I’ve felt this post brewing in me for at
least a week leading up to this day. There have been lessons and truisms in
life that I’ve learned along the journey that I’ll share.
Take a look and see how many of them ring true for you. It starts with us…so we must become the
change we wish to see…
Make today a great day…ON PURPOSE! Tumika
1. Love
is a choice. It’s also an action word. For those who say they can’t love
someone, won’t love someone or fell out of love with someone, it’s all a matter
of choice. The inability to love or the absence of love didn’t just happen…you
made a choice and your actions followed the choice. At any point you can choose
to let love reign…
2. Hurting
people hurt people, and they hurt themselves, too. Once their wounds heal, they
will have more positive resources inside themselves to share with others.
3. Not
every negative experience we go through at the hands of another is about us…no
matter how personal it might feel. The person who lies, cheats, steals,
backstabs, etc. simply shows that somewhere inside themselves is a character
issue….not a me or you issue.
4. No
matter what life throws your way, being a victim is optional. That doesn’t mean that we don’t feel the
effects nor have our lives altered. It also doesn’t mean that we won’t need to
heal. What it does mean is that we do what we have to in order to keep it
moving…even if it takes time to get back to a healthy place.
5. No
matter how little money you have, there’s always enough to save. It has to be a
choice. Even putting aside the spare
change in your purse or setting aside five dollars adds up over time.
6. There
are people who absolutely do not want your success and will do what they can to
exclude you from opportunities or literally put up roadblocks to hinder you. No
matter what is done, when your heart is in the right place and you are taking
care of your business, God will reroute you to meet up with your success. They
can’t stop it.
7. Making
oneself a priority is a decision we have to make each day. When we live on
autopilot, accepting whatever comes our way, we get pushed farther and farther
back until we have nothing left to give to ourselves.
8. Despite
the images we are fed on a daily basis of what beauty is supposed to look like,
I am beautiful, and so are you, just the way we are.
9. Every
person you see is the ‘perfect cup of tea’ for someone. It’s just a matter of
being found by the one who is looking for your specific temperature, depth,
color, richness and flavor. So go
ahead….be you…unabashedly!
10. There
are some folks who will never ‘get’ you…and it’s okay. We spend far too much
time trying to convince others of our worth, our value and make them ‘see’ who
we are. Sometimes it’s just not that serious.
The one we are striving to ‘click’ with is taking up space when there
could very well be someone on the periphery who doesn’t need that lesson
because they already ‘get’ you.
11. It’s
important to learn how to read labels and do research. Many of the foods and
medicines we ingest are harmful to us. Just something to think about.
12. Many
times simplest is best. We live fast-paced, action-packed, sleepless lives.
However, the answers we seek are in the silence and the rejuvenation our bodies
need comes when we slow things down.
13. You
are just as important as the next person. Despite who has what or who doesn’t;
who knows who or who doesn’t; who works hard or who doesn’t, in the end it
doesn’t matter. You are a valuable person right now, in whatever state you find
yourself. Your importance is not tied to
any outside circumstance and having areas of lack does not, in any way, reflect
on your importance.
14. Sometimes
the body and the mind need a break. It’s a good idea to fast sometimes and set
aside the high fat, highly processed, salty, overly sugared foods, the alcohol,
the meat and give the body a chance to heal itself. A week of fresh fruit,
fresh vegetables, herbal teas and alkaline or distilled water can work miracles
in your body and also help renew the mind. In the same way, choosing to cut the
off the TV, the devices and shut down the ‘noise’ is cleansing to the mind,
body and spirit. Sometimes we just need a break…
15. Chaos
and drama are not necessary prerequisites of living. Do you know you have the
ability to attract only what you want to experience? If chaos and drama are
coming your way, one of two things has happened: either you bring the drama,
and therefore, you reap what you sow, or you just never learned how not to
accept the drama. Simply using the
creative power that exists in your mouth to claim a chaos and drama free life
does wonders in shutting down the nonsense.
16. Folks
just are where they are. We are obligated to accept them where they are, but we
are under no obligation to have to deal with other folks issues. Sometimes the
best thing we can do is just give folks all the space they need to be who they
are….without us. It’s not personal.
17. When
you are a decent person who does right by others, at some point the seeds
you’ve sown will manifest themselves back in your life as others who will treat
you the way you’ve treated everyone else.
Accept their goodness and their friendship…you’ve earned it!
18. We
teach others how to treat us. While we may not be responsible for how a person
originally steps to us, how we respond tells that person what our tolerance is
and quickly sets the pattern for future interactions. If we want to be treated
respectfully, lovingly, and kindly, it is necessary to nip any mistreatment in
the bud…immediately.
19. Too
much of anything isn’t a good thing. There are numerous things that we love,
that we spend time doing, that make us feel good, etc. but the truth is that
our lives should be balanced. We need a healthy blend of good and bad, highs
and lows, pleasure and pain, happiness and sadness, work and play, spending and
saving to keep with the gentle ebb and flow that exists in the natural order of
things.
20. Some
of the most valuable and precious things don’t cost a dime. We spend money on
personal trainers or gym memberships when we could put on a pair of good gym
shoes and walk, taking time to breathe in the fresh air. Did you know that the
sun is medicinal and helps to ward off depression? Tiger lilies and cat tails picked alongside
the road are just as beautiful and fulfilling as expensive floral bouquets
personally delivered to your door. For as much as I love things that bling,
some of my favorite pieces of jewelry were made by the hands of my child and my
grandfather…and to me they are priceless. I bet you could come up with some of
your own to add to the list….
21. Sometimes
saying goodbye is the greatest blessing we can give to someone…and to ourselves. Not everyone is meant to be in our lives for
a lifetime. Sometimes, it’s for a
season, other times it’s for a reason. Reflect on their purpose and time
allowed, then thank them for the amazing lessons they taught, then keep it
moving.
22. There
are times we NEED to indulge in our guilty pleasures. Not everything can be
regimented or perfect all the time. For me, I love luxurious bath products and
sink down to my chin comfy, cozy bedding. NIRVANA! Every now and then, we need
to do something especially and specifically for ourselves just to remind us
that we matter.
23. It’s
a good idea to learn some of those old fashioned basics like gardening,
starting a fire and mending clothes. We have become so sophisticated, that we
don’t always have the skills to survive should some calamity strike.
24. Living
Abundantly doesn’t just happen. It is a series of steps, some changing, some
stationary, that we choose to take each day. It is okay to live a blessed,
happy and prosperous life…even if others don’t quite understand.
25. There
are no perfect circumstances. I’ve been guilty of this, and bet many of you
have also, of not making any progress in an area of my life because I am
waiting on the perfect, or ideal, circumstances. News flash! They don’t exist.
All we can do is work with what we have access to right now. He who is faithful
over a little shall be ruler over much. So
use what you have and do what you can…right where you are.
26. We
are never too old to reinvent ourselves. Just because we’ve been a certain way,
done a certain thing, our family members have done it a certain way, or it’s
expected of us, doesn’t mean that the rest of our lives have to drone on by
rote. Dare to dream. Dare to explore. Dare to make a change!
27. In
any relationship, both parties are important and they both matter. If only one
of you can talk, be heard, voice an opinion, receive pleasure, listen, and get
their needs met, then the other person is obsolete. We don’t have to waste our
time or energy dealing with folks who don’t see us as equal to themselves. This goes for any type of relationship.
Remember, we determine what we will and will not put up with.
28. Age
is just a number. Just because a person has reached a certain number on their
chronological time clock, doesn’t mean that maturity or growth have accompanied
them on the journey. Often, people stay stuck in their ‘stuff’ when it works
for them and no one is around to challenge them to do better. Be wise who you
seek for advice or tell your business to. People can’t give you more than what
is in them.
29. We
are more alike than we are different. It’s so easy to focus on what makes us different,
when the truth is that there are many more things that make us alike. We may
not have the same experiences. Some journeys may be far easier than others.
Some folks may have more resources available to them than God, while others
struggle to put two pennies together. Yet, where it really matters, we are
alike. We want the same things: good health, our family members to be safe and
prosperous, happiness, to give and receive love, compassion (even when we
forget to give it back to others), to not be judged, and understanding.
Focusing on the similarities affords us the distinct advantage of drawing more
positivity to ourselves, and thus receiving more of the good that is in the
universe waiting on us.
30. Sexy
is an attitude, not a state of undress. Sexy begins with how you see yourself
when you look in the mirror, the things that make you feel good about you.
There is nothing sexier than a person who is confident (not cocky or arrogant),
who knows their worth and who feels good in the skin they are in. So determine
to make loving yourself a priority. After all, it starts on the inside and
works its way out.
And as a bonus:
31. Being
pro me, doesn’t make me anti-you. I see
this so often, especially in areas pertaining to race relations. There is
nothing wrong with loving your own or supporting your own. Other cultures and
races do it all the time and no one calls them haters because they do. I love
Black people. Love our resiliency. Our creativity. Our scents. Our humor. Our music.
Our men. Our specific beauty attributes. I just love us. I root for us. I want
to see us ‘make it’ and thrive. Loving
who I’m from doesn’t mean that I don’t love, value or esteem others. Nor should
supporting my own be considered a threat against anyone else….and that’s just
real.
Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. It has
truly been an interesting journey thus far and I look forward to what greatness
lies ahead and for greater ease because of the lessons I’ve learned on this
first leg of the journey that I can take with me into the next season.
Changing lives one word at a time…Tumika Patrice Cain
_____
Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality,
and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing &
Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing
services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and
abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many
publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika,
her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com
and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com
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