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There are times when I am just floored by the
short-sightedness of individuals. This
is not really a post about Black people, although it does not exclude them
either. I am also not singling out
authors/writers, because the message herein applies to any group of
people. For the life of me, I just do
not understand the nature of narcissistic and selfish individuals.
I must admit that I am frequently shocked at the
level of elitism and narcissism I see in the literary community. This whole attitude of us-four-and-no-more or
worse, the I’ve-got-to-get-mine at the expense of others mentality is
problematic on so many levels. Perhaps
it is because I was raised by a mother with a very giving heart. I seemed to have inherited that from
her. Or maybe it is the teachings of my
religious background that tells me to have a “kingdom” mindset and that my
Father owns the cattle of a thousand hills.
There is the possibility that what I see reflected in certain cultures
positions them to receive greatness, and therefore, I feel that it can work for
anyone willing to apply it. Still there
is the ideology that says a closed hand receives nothing.
Now to that last statement, I can see those who are
always focused on “getting theirs” saying, “I do quite nicely thankyouverymuch!” And you may very well be correct….people of a
certain mindset will always find others to pour into them. They will make sure that they “make it,” even
at the expense and/or detriment of others.
Psalm 133:1-3 reads, “Behold, how good and how
pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious
oil upon the head, running down on the beard, the beard of Aaron, running down
on the edge of his garments. It is like the dew of Hermon, descending upon the
mountains of Zion; for there the Lord commanded the blessing – Life
forevermore.”
I realize that some may blow off this message
because of the scripture references, however, this is not a religious
message. Even if we are not of the same
faith, every religion has some message about unity and togetherness that the
followers are supposed to uphold. To
go back to the scripture reference above, it is so clear that when people live,
work and play together in unity, there is a blessing there that awaits each
person. This explains why staying in a peaceful,
united front is such a challenge – from husbands and wives, to peace between
siblings, to unity on the job, in our communities, etc.
The mindset is there that suggests the need to
compete with the next person. There is a
fear that someone will have more, obtain more, get it sooner and that you may
be left out. May I remind you that the
God who created us is not in lack. There
are more than enough resources to go around for us all to receive what is
purposed for us. It is a poverty spirit
that says there is not enough to go around.
It is an envious spirit that says I don’t want you to have more than me. No matter what’s operating, it’s
self-defeating….not just to one, but to everyone whom it touches.
Here is another scripture reference that drives this
point home:
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 “Two are better than one,
because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will
lift up his companion, but woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no
one to help him up. “
Let me start off by saying this…whatever your goal
is, whatever you hope to accomplish, there is more than enough for you and the
next person to get everything that’s coming to you.
Years ago I was starting a daycare. It is something I have picked up from my
mother, but I seem to get amazing deals on things. So as I was purchasing items and equipment to
get the business going, I acquired a lot of high quality items at a very low
cost. One of my relatives also owned a
daycare and had been in business over 15 years, heard from a family member about
all the nice materials I had for the children and she became envious, immediately
seeing me as her competition instead of rejoicing at my willingness to make my
dreams come true. She lived in a
completely different county, more than a half hour away from my home. Clearly any clients that I would care for
would not be looking for her services and vice versa. Instead of being happy for me and wanting me
to prosper (after all we are family, when one makes it, shouldn’t we all feel a
modicum of success and pride?) she made a comment about my taking all of her
clients. Um…how exactly do you figure
that? I was hurt and disgusted by her
actions. I remember telling her that
even if there was a daycare on every corner of the street where she lived, that
no one person or business could meet the needs of every single parent or child
who would need care. In other words, I
was saying that even with other companies right next door, she didn’t need to
feel like she was in competition with anyone else. Her job was to provide the best level of care
and fair prices and let her gifts make room for her. The quality of her service would open doors
for her.
I see that same sort of dog eat dog, envious spirit
within the literary community with authors not supporting each other, or worse,
purposely trying to make sure the next person doesn’t succeed. And as a Black woman, I also see it within my
own people group. I shake my head,
saddened and frustrated at our inability to see the whole picture that is right
there in front of us.
For years I have worked in the Jewish
community. Now I know the world has
varying opinions about how they view that people group. I am not here to dispute what anyone
thinks. But I do want to point out that
as a people, they are some of the most significant folks on the planet to
reckon with. Even if on a personal level
they do not like another Jewish person, they will put all of that aside for the
greater good of their community as a whole.
Jews support Jews. Period. Their money circulates within their community
something like 30 times before it will ever reach the general population. Just about any industry or field you can
find, there is at least one Jewish person who is also situated in that field so
that their people have someone of their own to do business with. They loan each other money to get businesses
started. They give each other opportunities, using their power and leverage to
make sure that one of their own makes it.
And you know what? It
works…taking me right back to my initial scripture of how unity commands the
blessings.
Who cares who gets there first, as long as we all
get there? What do I care what you have,
because what’s for me is for me….just like what is for you is for you. I do not need to compete with you. And you do not need to compete with me. There is more than enough for all of us, including
in the realm of success. You will never
be as successful as you would like to be trying to function in someone else’s
lane. It is only when you get in your lane, and commit to being your best where
you are positioned, that you will grow and prosper. It is in that place of your assigned land,
that everywhere your foot touches and everything your hands touch will begin to
grow and increase will come. In other
words, bloom where you are planted.
Selfishness cuts off your flow of blessings. So does
narcissism, because narcissistic people view others only as a means to an
end. In other words, they use people to
get what they want and once that person can no longer meet the need or desire,
then they are discarded like yesterday’s carryouts. Their actions say “your only purpose in life
is to meet my needs and make sure I get what I want.” People have more value than that. When we learn to rejoice with other’s
accomplishments, care about what happens in the stranger’s life (or our
friends, associates, or family members lives) as much as our own, then we will
truly see all that has been made available for us.
My mentor, friend, and fellow author, Eartha Watts
Hicks says, "grab a hand and take one.”
Meaning there should always be someone more experienced in your life (a
mentor) for you to learn from, glean from, and who will hold you accountable,
even as there should always be someone that you are sowing into who is coming
up behind you.
Here is some food for thought, if we stop trying to
get in the way of the person who is advancing ahead of us or more than us or
before us, then when that person rises to the top and has access to more
resources, blessings, connections, etc. how is that not going to help you too, if we all live by the grab a hand and take one mentality?
Today, let us stop this crabs in a barrel mentality
that tries to hold back anyone who wishes to do better. Instead, let’s adopt the principles of
Kwanzaa which start with Umoja (meaning UNITY), (Kujichagulia = determination,
Ujima = working together, Ujamaa = supporting each other, Nia = purpose, Kuumba
= creativity, and Imani = faith). Allow
a real sense of kingdom-mindedness and sense of community to overtake you. There are only blessings there waiting on
you. After all, Unity commands the
blessing… so grab a hand…and take one.
Changing lives one word at a time…Tumika Patrice
Cain
_____
Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality,
and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing &
Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing
services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and
abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many
publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika,
her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com
and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com
