Feeling Blessed

Photo credits: Pexels

Feeling Blessed

I wrote this back in April, but through the busyness of living, I forgot to post it.  I'm sure there are many of you who can relate to the words in this post.  Know that your efforts are not in vain and that eventually you will receive back all of the positive seeds that you've sown.  Be blessed and make today a great day...ON PURPOSE!  Tumika

I am having a transparent moment right now.  This is for those people who have been selflessly giving of themselves to others for years with no real payback for those efforts.  I just want to let you know that your day IS coming.  Don’t stop doing what you’re doing.  At the appointed time, your efforts will connect with your need and all of a sudden help will come out of the woodworks for you.

This is the week of my big book signing and poetry reading.  After a number of difficulties and obstacles with my first book, I decided to take a different route with my next book.  Deciding to take my efforts to a place I love and that has always shown me love, I reached out to some friends in Cleveland.  They were not just willing to be a part of the event, they were happily willing to put in effort to help me plan it remotely, because of financial challenges I was going through at the time.

These friends who I have known for more than 15 years called in their friends, made connections, referred me to others, gave countless feedback to my many queries, and put the kind of effort into making this event wonderful, just as they would have if it had been their own.

I was out running errands and picking up items for the event.  I made a random call to the venue owner to check on something.  She answers the phone and says “Hi, Tumika.  Guess who’s right here in front of me.”  It was Vince, the host.  He was there checking out the space, doing mic checks and whatever else to make sure that all would be well for the show on Saturday.  If I hadn’t called her, I never would have known, because he would not have told me.  I immediately felt overwhelmed.  I finished my shopping, walked back to the car and then sat there for a moment. 

And I have to tell you, tears of gratitude were cascading down my cheeks.  The moment she told me he was there, I had a quick flashback of every man who had been in my life in some sort of significant role.  There was the one who faked a cold so he wouldn’t have to help me move.  The one who charged me to move.  The ones who stood me up.  Lied  to me.  Cheated on me.  Shall I go on?   In that moment, it all became so very clear.  Now mind you, this is not a man I am intimate with, nor have we ever been.  We aren’t “kicking it.”  He’s not my boo thang or any such thing.  He is my friend, and in such a simple gesture, showed more care and love for me than any of the others ever had.  Then all of a sudden, it became abundantly clear to me why none of the others made the cut.  If they weren’t ready to make selfless gestures to help the woman in their life, why were they even there?

Ladies, if the man taking up space in your life is not improving the quality of it; if he is not making sacrifices of time, talent, or treasure to help you make your dreams come true; if he has nothing more to bring to the table than a list of selfish desires and requests from you – why is he really even there?  You can do bad by yourself.  And real talk, even mind blowing sex is not enough to keep a man around if that is the only thing of value you are getting from him.  I know it gets lonely.  It gets hard, too.  For we were not built to have to be both man and woman, and our lives are far more difficult without a man there to take his proper place.  However, it is too high of a price to pay allowing someone to take up emotional and/or physical space in your life who won’t do his part.  Move that dead weight out of the way so that the real deal came come in.  You deserve a man who knows his role, who understands his purpose and who is not afraid to fulfill it.

Changing lives one word at a time…Tumika Patrice Cain

______

Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality, and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing & Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika, her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com

The Price of Love

Photo credits: Pexels

The Price of Love

Ladies, we’ve been devalued and undervalued so long that we’ve learned to devalue and undervalue ourselves.  The mistreatment we’ve suffered at the hands of others, sometimes makes us feel as if we have to put up with anything to have a mate in our lives.  This couldn’t be farther from the truth.  Take a look at the list below.  If any of the following are happening in the relationship you are currently in, it might be time to reassess.

1.      If he is asking you to get high and do drugs with him knowing you are not into that, he is NOT the one.

2.      If he is asking you to allow him to take his frustrations out on you by physically, sexually, emotionally and verbally abusing you, he is NOT the one.

3.      If he is asking you to sacrifice and compromise your morals and values to engage in risky, demeaning sex or pimping you out to his friends, family or business associates, he is definitely NOT the one.

4.      If he is laying up in your home, driving your car, eating your food, expecting you to take care of him while he is not contributing anything to your welfare, he is NOT the one.

5.      If he is asking you to neglect or mistreat your children to be with him or he is mistreating and abusing your children, he is obviously NOT the one.

6.      If he is asking you to engage in illegal activities (robbing banks/people/stores, selling drugs, prostitution, running illegal scams, etc), he is NOT the one!

If dealing with him is hurting you, it certainly should NOT be pleasuring him! So often we let our hearts lead us into situations our minds would protect us from.  Bottom line is: feelings lie.  We let the fear of being alone drive us to making decisions that are nowhere near what we have been designed to put up with.  But remember this: God has not given you the spirit of fear, but instead power, love and a sound mind.  You don’t need to make decisions based on fear when the soundness of your mind is telling you that what you are in is not good or best for you.  The soundness of your mind will give you wisdom how to get out of these dangerous and self-defeating relationships.  Love is an action word.  The love you have for yourself should lead you to attract those who show their love to you in healthy and life-affirming ways.  If someone is deliberately hurting you, obviously that is not love.  You have also been equipped with all the power you need to get your life back on track, if you have veered off.  Don’t let the fear of what might be cause you to stay in a situation that is literally killing you, your self-worth and self-esteem.  Instead of choosing to live in fear, choose to trust that God knows every need you have.  If you trust his timing, he will lead you to the very one who will be an asset to your life.

Truth: Men (not just males) build up their women – a man will not tear his woman down.  And real talk, there are many males out there who want the title of MAN but have done nothing to earn it.  Even when we look at other cultures, there are actions that the males in their groups have to do to earn the title and respect to be called a man.  Contrary to popular belief, sexing up a bunch of women does not qualify as a rights-of-passage into manhood.  It takes far more than having a penis to be counted as a man.

In case you are wondering, a man does the following:

1.      He protects his family

2.      He provides for his family

3.      He sets appropriate boundaries for his family

4.      He leads his family by example

5.      He yields himself to God and follows the direction of Christ’s lordship

6.      He has one woman (his wife)

7.      He provides an environment for his wife to be her best self and encourages her

8.      He builds up with his mouth

9.      He sacrifices for his wife and kids

10.  He considers the needs of his family (wife and kids) over his own selfish desires

11.  He loves with his actions, realizing that love is a choice

12.  He leaves a legacy for future generations

So while you are waiting on a man to find you and make you his wife, keep working on yourself.  Figure out what you really want and then ask God for it.  Make sure that who you are lines up with what you are asking for from someone else.  In other words, be what you hope to attract.  Be prepared and know that a counterfeit will cross your path while you are waiting on your blessing to manifest.  Recognize that person for who he is and keep it moving.  WAIT for what you have asked for.  It may not come in the time frame you want it to, but it will be so worth the wait to get what you deserve.  Know this, he is being prepared, just as you are.  The time of waiting is there to perfect the two of you into a more fitting union.  The real blessing is worth the wait…

Changing lives one word at a time….Tumika Patrice Cain

-------

Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality, and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing & Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika, her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com

The Power of Words

Photo credits: Pexels

The Power of Words

Words are so powerful.  They have the ability to build up or to tear down.  To encourage or discourage.  A well placed word can make the difference between someone having the strength and courage they need to forge on ahead or to give up in defeat.  As writers and authors, let us never take the power of our words for granted.

While we are not responsible for another persons’ reaction to what we write, the fact remains that our words will impact the lives of others.  Once we choose to share it, we have no choice in how it affects others.  Many writers are introverts.  They would rather deal with the characters they create or the words in their own heads than with people.  But when you share your gift with the world, there comes with it a certain responsibility to hold the confidences and feelings of your fans who reach out to you.  There is something in how your words affected them that makes them feel that you understand who they are.  Don’t take that power or those connections lightly.  Listen.  Really listen to what they are saying.  Care.  Really care about what they are saying.  Their stories are significant.  Each and every one.  Love.  Really show genuine love to these people who push past their comfort zones to share pieces of their lives with you.  Then take those nuggets as gifts.  The people are entrusting you with a piece of their souls.  No one is asking you to own their feelings or stories, just to be a good steward of the lives that are in your hands.  After all, your words have the power to heal or to hurt.  And it all rests with you. 

_____

Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality, and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing & Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika, her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com

The Life You Deserve

Photo credits: Pexels

The Life You Deserve

People have the right to be just where they are.  So before I even get started, this is my disclaimer.  Know that I am not judging anyone for their life’s choices or for the state of their internal selves.

It seems more and more I have been running into males whose sole agenda is to bed any woman they come into contact with.  Now when I say that I am running into them, that doesn’t necessarily mean they are coming on to me that way.  Instead, it’s like I am being allowed to be a fly on the wall of their interactions with other women.  I do not like what I see.

What concerns me most is not the males’ perspective or even his willingness to disrespectfully push up on a woman that way.  Not even when he goes so far as to be angry or offended when she declines his ‘offer’ of a good time.  What does concern me are the women  who are all too eager to go wherever he wants to lead her; sometimes with no questions asked, other times without ever making her needs known and having the conversation with him to see if he is willing to meet those needs.

And so, on this post, I am going to focus on the women.  The truth is, men would not step to a female that way if she didn’t allow it.  They can never do anything more to us than what we allow.  Truth is, women have far more value and worth than we sometimes give ourselves credit for.  And please know when I say this, I am not just talking about so called ‘hood rats’.  I see even educated women settling for far less than they deserve or are entitled to in the relationship department.  It is entirely possible for a person to be whole and complete in certain areas of their lives and incomplete and lacking in others, simultaneously.  We are a wonderful mix of contradictions.

The reason I chose not to make this post about the men is simple.  When we change, everyone around us has to change, too.  They are just not able to deal with us the way they have been, because who we are is different on the inside.  The more I live, the more I learn that relationships are just a reflection of whatever is going on inside of us.  Such a humbling thought.  I have had some very bad relationships that have left me marred, scarred and at times unwilling to open myself back up to more.  And I have no one to blame but myself.  Each one of those people served as a teacher to let me know where I needed to heal in order to attract better to myself.  When I say this, it has been that way with both platonic and intimate relationships.  In the end, I am the common denominator in each of those relationships.

Living with the fear that there are no good men out there or that we have to settle just to have someone to keep company with or that there is not enough of what we are looking for that exists on the earth, can lead us into settling for far less than we deserve.  The truth is, everything we need, want and desire is on the earth ready for us claim it.  It may require that we have to do some internal work to get rid of the garbage that floats around in our subconscious minds  in order to get to what we want and deserve, but in the end the process is worth it if it means we get to live this life by our own design.  It will have been worth it if we get to have the life we’ve always envisioned.

I’m going to take a wild guess on this one (and yes, I am being sarcastic!), but I would say that you never thought you would want to be with a man who would cheat on you, play games with you, not provide for you, demand sex from you while giving you nothing in return.  I hope this is not too crass, if all he has to offer is an orgasm, his presence is really not that important or needed.  There are plenty of ways a woman can get that, if she so desires, without having to settle for being mistreated, neglected, put at risk from his sexual exploits, you name it.   I would bet any amount of money that you never thought you’d end up with a man who doesn’t support his children, who hits on you, calls you names, won’t work or even if he does work, does nothing to improve the quality of your life;  strings you along; uses you for what you have to offer to him while hardly giving anything back; emotionally distant.  Shall I go on?  Yet, the fact that I am writing this, means that somewhere along the way something has gone amiss, because some or all of these things have presented themselves into your relationships.  So, I say to you..are you ready to change?

If you are like me, there are times I have felt that it always seems that more is required and expected of women.  Why is it that we have to do the work to change?  Why not them?  But when we are dealing with issues as serious as the state of our lives, is that really a responsibility you want to put into the hands of someone else?  I didn’t think so.  So we have to do the work.    It starts by taking a look at your relationships…you can even go back to childhood to get a good look at the patterns that have been in place contributing to where you are now.  What has gone wrong in those relationships?  How have they ended?  How did you feel when you were in them?  Were there certain types of experiences that contributed to the worst of how you felt?  Now, here is the part that some might find challenging.  Write down what it is that you DO want.  Most people can tell you what they don’t want.  Problem with that is the more you focus on what you don’t want, the more of it you will get.  So if you can begin to focus on what you do want, you will begin to attract more of those experiences into your life. 

But the work does not stop here.  Instead it is just beginning.  Next, it will be necessary to work on changing the mental blueprint that produces all of these results in your life.  Let me put it to you this way, if you create a document that has an error in it and print it, the error is on the page.  You can white it out, fix it temporarily and distribute it.  However, what you typed is still in the memory of that computer so every time that article is called upon, that error is there and will continue to be there unless it is fixed internally.  Our thought processes are no different.  Whatever has been written on that initial document in our minds continues to roam around our subconscious mind, attracting more of the same.  It is time to fix that error, once and for all. 

This is when it becomes necessary to start writing affirmations for the type of life (relationships, etc) that you truly desire.  You will need to do mirror work, meaning looking in the mirror and speaking those words over your life.  It’s time to pull out some books on the Law of Attraction and really put those teachings into practice.  Subliminal audios and videos in the areas where you struggle, will help to erase what is in your subconscious mind and replace the error in the document with the truth.  As you continue on this journey of self discovery, you will meet others who are on the same path with you to help you and encourage you.  Everything you need is already on your life’s path waiting on you to get there.

I would be remiss if I didn’t warn you that once you start the journey of self discovery and coming into wholeness, more of what you are trying to get away from will surface.  The universe is waiting to see how you respond to it.  If you declare that you want a certain type of treatment, mate, etc, and then accept whatever presents itself to you even though it is lacking, you have just confirmed that you aren’t ready and you will accept anything, so anything will continue to come to you.  This may seem harsh, but you’ve got to know it going in that you will be tested along the way.  Don’t look at the tests with disdain.  Instead see them as mirrors to show you where you really are so you can tighten some things up.  Remember, you didn’t become who you are in one day, so the process of change will take time.  Give yourself some room to breathe.  Be patient with yourself and your process.  Above all things, know that you are worth everything it takes to change your life into the one of your dreams.

Changing lives one word at a time...Tumika Patrice Cain

_____

Tumika Patrice Cain is an award-winning author, media personality, and motivational speaker. Through her imprint, Inkscriptions Publishing & Media Group, she provides high quality, affordable, mentor-based publishing services to indie authors, as well as inspired, empowering messages of hope and abundance through her media outlets. Her works can be found in many publications, including Fresh Lifestyle Magazine. To learn more about Tumika, her books, and her services visit the following websites. http://www.TumikaPatrice.com and http://www.InkscriptionsPMG.com